Leave room for surprises

It’s often said that expectation is the root of all heartache. Theoretically, if you lower your expectations enough, you’ll never be disappointed.

The trade-off is that you go through life perpetually disappointed. It’s a self-reinforcing loop. If you go around assuming everyone is a scheming dirtbag, you don’t have to look too hard to see corroborating evidence in a dog-eat-dog world. It’s easy to expect the worst in people.

This has been the case with me. I’m not sure whether it’s my nature or the result of embedded experiences like covering crime, but I’m generally inclined to pessimism. Over the years, I have worked hard to condition myself into optimism so I can at least present well and remain open to new experiences.

More often than not, however, people surprise me to the upside. Sure, I’ve felt betrayed a time or two, but the inverse is much more common. Strangers I think don’t like me turn out to be my greatest friends.

I once had a boss who I thought hated my guts. After a few weeks, I realized it wasn’t me at all. It turned out he was an alcoholic, and he was much more friendly if I waited until noon to talk to him. Our impressions of people tend to be fixed—we should let them be more malleable from moment to moment in the way we expect grace ourselves.

I’ve noticed something similar with life. The days I wake up feeling like a million bucks are the days I get humbled, and the experiences I dread going into are never as bad as I’ve imagined. I used to be terrified of needles. Now, I don’t even notice when I get shots. I just don’t think about them.

Maybe that’s the trick. What if being happy isn’t about lowering expectations so much you can clear the hurdle with ease? It seems to me the real blessing is living without expectation, so you can notice the other blessings that come along.

Pecular travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.

— Kurt Vonnegut

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